Ok before you start reading stop!!! Deep breath!!!
If you don't know me personally, go on.. thanks for reading i guess.. :D
If you do, don't judge! It is a frustrated dream to be a writer, this is just for fun and my rationality's safety, since i can't afford the therapy right now, HA.
Besides it is hard for me to say stuff sometimes so, yeah.. Probably you'll know more about what goes on inside, good luck with that!
Ok now I'll stop with the boring and useless introduction trying to excuse myself for this.. whatever.
Oh and by the way, it is NOT a love story with always smiling friends that put up with aaaall of your shit, and with a perfect mom, perfect dog, flowers and rainbows ok? don't expect that!
I'm thinking that maybe if you are still reading you would like to know a little bit of background story so you get who am I talking about. Just the three most important and if i add anyone else, i'll give you details later.
C: My boyfriend, photographer, he exaggerates stuff even more than i do sometimes, but i love him to death, he doesn't believe in love that much, no marriage, no kids, just a big ass apartment, he can't sleep most of the time, oversleeps, sometimes a little compulsive, and even though he hides it, extremely loving, caring and sensitive person.
D: Best friend in the world! He seriously is like my brother! If i don't ever get married and we both end up alone in the world i swear i'll marry him!! it would be so much fun. He's an overachiever, the star kid in his family, he's obsessed with being successful, famous and rich (who isn't? i mean, it is the reason why we got so close in the first place right?), perfect balance between smart, artistic and party animal.
O: She's my best friend, she can be a real bitch (something in common!) but be a really good friend, the thing with her is that sometimes we need each other so much, but if we spend too much time together we could strangle each other. We have a very similar family history (fancy way to say family traumas or problems) so we understand each other perfectly well in that aspect.
For now, these are the important people in my life, oh yeah, and Japon, that's my baby (dog!) who is almost finished chewing my whole apartment. but Anyway, I'll start with today's issues.
C graduated from college, and i still have one more year to go.. I don't know what is going to happen, i thought it would be simple and he would move kinda close and we would see each other over the weekends. WRONG! it's not simple, it's way more complicated than i would like my life to be. He's probably moving 7 1/2 hours away, and traveling that far every weekend it's not cheap, let's not forget about all the horny women out there (including me) and i have so much going on in my life, maybe more than i can handle (which sometimes i am proud of, but GOD it IS exhausting!).
The thing is that the relationship has already been so complicated for 5 years, and I feel kinda stupid that it took me that long to realize what i had in front of me. But now i do and i don't plan on letting go, I will work my ass off to make it work (for as long as he wants me of course). Forgive me all the haters out there, but i am a helpless romantic and I even think it's gross sometimes but yeah, sorry. Anyway, now that we have a stable 'normal' and healthy relationship, everything changes and we have very different plans for the future, so that's my dilemma with him.
When i was younger i thought i would be the kind of woman who didn't need a man, and i had no interest in marrying anyone, i mean not that i didn't want the dream wedding and family, i just didn't care. But we all change right? I first changed in a bad way, then i realized it, got bored and hurt and finally changed for good. We all grow up, we change, and then we realize our dreams when we were young are harder to accomplish than you thought or maybe even impossible. Has becoming a good girl now made me miserable? agh! (FYI: i tend to exaggerate things a little sometimes, i'm not that miserable). Ok.. first i need to be clear, i changed for myself and nobody else! that "i changed for you my love!!" story is too overrated.. and by ''change myself'' i mean i fixed what we all have to fix at some point of our lives: self-destructive behavior.
Now to the story! Today's thoughts:
D, he's already graduated and have a job in the same place where C is planning to move, so yeah there's half of my freaking life living almost 8 hours away from me, (i know! boring! and frustrating!). Now try to picture my last college year by myself, as i said before, O and I have some trouble spending too much time together and her friends are not likable at all.. These macho-beer-no brain people don't get along with artists like us! we just don't have anything in common (that's what i think at least).
I spent my whole day in bed today, Im not trying to seem depressing! i was watching Desperate Housewives' 6th season and eating mango with Tajin. Also i thought that C and I should talk things out, because i don't think its going to be easier if he just leaves next week and we don't talk about this far away thing and REALLY go over it. On the other hand, i don't want to spend the last days together fighting or all depressed. I need D so much!! he always understands! We talk on the phone for hours, but we all know it's not the same. O is not taking summer classes this time and i will be completely alone starting next week. It's funny, one of my biggest fears has always been end up alone.. and i know next week is coming up very soon and i'm kind of freaking out.
I said everything for today i think, prepare for next week, i'll have nothing to do lol.
xo
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