I believe that the hardest things in life are to forgive, to let go and say goodbye.
If you notice, all of these have in common that we have to deal with being able to detach
from something or someone.
I've been feeling so weird, this thing about he leaving is going to be too hard. Don't get me wrong, i will do everything humanly possible to keep our relationship growing.
It's weird for me not because i don't think i can do it, because i am more than 100% confident that i will put all my efforts to work this out. The thing is that i am scared, we are so used to be together and be right next to each other whenever we need it most.
Today while i was taking a nap i had this dream, and i think it means something!!
C and I were driving in his car, and he wanted to stop at an ATM before this party we were going, and when he got out of the car, two strange men started walking towards the car and i was sure they were trying to harm us, the man tried to open my door, (i locked it just in time) so i freaked and jumped to the driver's seat and told C to get in the car, he did it just in time before the other man got him.
I was shaking and my driving trying to escape was nowhere near to be like the Fast and Furious or anything heroic; and just when i tried to turn on the next street a bunch of men dressed in black started shooting at us, and we could just put our heads down, i drove a little more without no vision whatsoever on what was in front of us.
As soon as we felt we were out of the sight of the guys shooting we got out of the car as soon as possible and ran through the empty dark streets.
We ran until we found a house were there were a lot of people outside, the seem to be having fun, and a few drinks, we decided to stay there for a while (a lot of witnesses and maybe we could blend in with the others). After a few minutes three police cars surrounded the party, they were checking for minors drinking, and C was being interrogated by a fat old cop, i was being interviewed by this young beautiful black woman, and i was trying to explain to her what happened to us, and that i left my ID at the car. It took me a while to convince her that it was the truth, but i guess she saw i was being honest (and not drinking) so she tried to help, and whenever i turned to tell C that she would escort us home and we would be safe, he was gone.
What i felt in that moment is just inexplicable, there was this empty darkness in me, as if he took the life inside of me with him, the only thing that comforted me was that he was probably with the fat cop so he would not be harmed. I begged the woman to take me home, i felt that he would go there if he didn't see me.
She took me in the police car to our house. We waited there until the sunrise, the keys of the house were at C's car so i couldn't get in.
After hours of being extremely patient, and feeling so confused, scared and anxious at the same time, he showed up, he was fine and he had my key to the house. I woke up (10 min until 1, i was going to be late for class).
Maybe it's going to be like that dream. We are going to feel anxious, confused and we are going to have to be extremely patient. But at the end we are going to work things out and we will be fine.
We have forgiven each others mistakes, We've let go of the past, the insecurities and doubts, and now we have to say goodbye for some time. But if we get through this one,every other obstacle will be a lot easier to overcome, nothing is going to break us apart right?
I'm just hopeful that the feeling i have is right, that he is the ONE.I do believe that God makes everything happen for a reason, and I think he's the one that he wants me to love, appreciate and take care of.
I'm just terrified of losing him.
I love him, like I've never loved anyone else.
It is different, it's not like a childish high school fun feeling,
love is way more complicated than that.
Communication is one of those complicated parts of love.
But we are good at it.
It's just hard to see you go.
I'm just so happy that i get to share my life with him.
I'm just so lucky to be in love with my best friend.
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